the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
