He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
