I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
