clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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