if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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