oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
