hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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