how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
