She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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