is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
