i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
