I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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