I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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