she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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