I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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