Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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