Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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