he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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