She is in my trunk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
