Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
