how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
