bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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