apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
