): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my being single is dangerous.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
