she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
