I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
