She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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