can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
