I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
