it wasn't lemon gatorade
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
