It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
