you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
