Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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