I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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