So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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