Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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