Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
