dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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