If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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