I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
