yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
