Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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