god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
