i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
