Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
