it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
soo... how was my night?
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