he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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