i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
