I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
