it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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