tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
