Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
