there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
