Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
