Someone shit on the floor
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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