I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
