I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
